它活了！
It's alive!
幽灵骑士，部落已经说过了。
Ghost Rider, the tribe has spoken.
哦，该死的，你们全都去死吧。
Oh, damn you all to hell.
听好了，你们这些小混蛋。
Listen up, you little brats.
你们在课间休息时的行为
Your antics at recess have been
实在是太疯狂、太滑稽、太具有讽刺意味了。
entirely too wild, zany, and satirical.
所以今天我请来了一位客人来让你们老实一点。
So today I brought in a guest to scare you straight.
戴维森先生。
Mr. Davidson.
我的天哪，那家伙真是壮得吓人。
Holy whomps, that guy is jacked.
我在大牢里的时候，有很多时间来锻炼身体。
I had a lot of time to work out when I was in the big house.
哇，你曾经在监狱里？
Whoa, you were in prison?
是的，我确实待过。被关在笼子里，
I sure was. Locked up in a cage,
没有发言权，
no say in what I eat,
每天只允许在外面待一个小时。
only allowed outside for an hour a day.
好心疼。在监狱里，每天都有一个小时的课间休息时间？！
Tender. In prison, you get a whole hour of recess every day?!
伽利略，那比我们现在的课间休息时间
Galileo, how much more recess is that
多了多少？
than our current amount of recess?
大约多了319个小时的课间休息时间。
Approximately 319 more hours of recess per year.
哇！监狱就像是课间休息天堂！
Wow! Prison is like recess heaven!
哇，我们一起去犯罪，这样我们也能进监狱！
Ooh, let's do some crimes so that we can all go to prison!
- 耶！- 耶！无政府状态！
- Yeah! - Yeah! Anarchy!
拜托，不要告诉- 我的缓刑官这件事。
Please don't tell - my parole officer about this.
晚安，月亮。
Goodnight, moon.
晚安，跳过月亮的奶牛。
Goodnight, cow leaping over the moon.
晚安，钟表。
Goodnight, clock.
晚安，画作。晚安，墙壁。
Goodnight, painting. Goodnight, wall.
晚安，地毯。晚安，地板上的碎屑。
Goodnight, rug. Goodnight, crumbs on the floor.
男士：你能不能闭嘴，睡他妈的觉？！
Man: Will you just shut up and go the hell to sleep?!
该死，每天晚上我们都要经历这个！
Damn it, every night we go through this!
你住在公寓楼里！
You live in an apartment complex!
注意点公德心，天啊！
Have some common courtesy, my God!
哦，你们看起来比我还要沮丧，
Oh, you guys look more depressed than me,
一头著名的沮丧驴子。
a famously depressed donkey.
哦，艾尤，太可怕了。
Oh, Eeyore, it's horrible.
忧郁症会毁掉我们所有人。
Melancholia's going to destroy us all.
哦，是啊。太遗憾了，他们没有为毛绒玩具制造SSRI药物。
Oh, yeah. Too bad they don't make SSRIs for stuffed animals.
不，是叛逆行星梅兰科利亚
No, the rogue planet Melancholia
正直冲着地球而来。
that's headed straight for Earth.
好吧，这真是…太棒了。
Well, that's just... wonderful.
但我们都要死掉了！
But we're all gonna d-d-die!
我不悲悼百亩木林。
I do not mourn the Hundred Acre Wood.
我在这里所知道的只有痛苦，
All I've known here
就是尾巴总是挂不上去，
is the misery of having a tail that will not stay on
还有房子总是站不稳。
and a house that refuses to stand up.
让我们一起拥抱死亡吧，我的朋友们。
Let us embrace death together, my friends.
哦，真是太阴郁了。
Oh, bother, that's bleak.
哦哦哦。
Ohhh.
哦，天哪！
Oh, dear!
发生什么了？
What happened?
它一定是在进入时烧毁了。
It must have burnt up on entry.
我们得救了！
We're saved!
哦，去你的吧。
Oh, fuck me.
记者:我们现在可以确认有报告说戴安娜公主
Reporter: We can now confirm reports that Princess Diana
今天在一起车祸中不幸去世。
has died today in a motor vehicle accident.
戴安娜可能已经去世了，但她的遗产将永存
Diana may be dead, but her legacy will live on
通过我，戴安娜公主小熊玩偶。
through me, the Princess Diana Beanie Baby.
我终于摘掉了牙套！
I can't believe - I finally got my braces off!
哦，天哪。
Oh, my God.
牙套脸，- 如果你不再戴牙套了，
Braceface, - what are we gonna call you
我们该怎么称呼你？
if you don't have braces anymore?
只是脸？- 你说得对。
Just Face? - You're right.
没有了牙套，我还是谁？
Without my braces, who am I?
帮帮我，玛丽亚！
Help me, Maria!
哎哟，哎哟，哎哟！
Ow, ow, ow!
我回来了，宝贝。
I'm back, baby.
打电话给我的牙医。
Call my dentist.
妈妈需要一些新鲜的口腔金属。
Mama needs some fresh mouth metal.
哦，阿丽塔，真是太棒了，伊多医生让我加入你一起吃。
Oh, Alita, it's so neato Dr. Ido let me join you to eat-o.
我是个很出色的厨师，如果我自己说的话。
I'm a great cook, if I do say so myself.
哦，雨果，看起来很好吃。
Oh, Hugo, that looks good.
等等，这是我的隐形眼镜吗？
Wait, are these my contact lenses?
这些东西一对要300个太空币，你这个拾荒者！
These things are 300 space bucks a pair, you scrap scavenger!
旁白：如果给一只老鼠一块饼干，
Narrator: If you give a mouse a cookie,
它会接受的。
he will accept it.
如果它接受了饼干，
If he accepts a cookie,
它就会被垃圾邮件骚扰。
he will get spammed.
如果它被垃圾邮件骚扰，
If he gets spammed,
它会被要求购买阴茎增大丸。
he will be asked to buy penis enlargement pills.
如果它购买了阴茎增大丸，
If he buys penis enlargement pills,
它就会长出一个♪超级大鸡鸡♪
he will grow a ♪ super dong ♪
如果它长出了超级大鸡鸡，
If he grows a super dong,
它就会找到一份做奇怪性癖影片的工作。
he will get a job doing weird fetish porn.
如果它找到了做奇怪性癖影片的工作，
If you get a job doing weird fetish porn,
它就会被一个肮脏的好莱坞制片人发现。
he will get discovered by a sleazy Hollywood producer.
如果它被一个肮脏的好莱坞制片人注意到，
If he gets noticed by a sleazy Hollywood producer,
它就会转型进入正式电影圈。
he will transition into legitimate movies.
如果它转型进入正式电影圈，
If he transitions into legitimate movies,
观众就会被它的巨大鸡鸡恶心到。
audiences will be grossed out by his giant dong.
如果观众被它的巨大鸡鸡恶心到，
If audiences are grossed out by his giant dong,
它就会被好莱坞列入黑名单。
he will be blacklisted from Hollywood.
如果它被好莱坞列入黑名单，
If he is blacklisted from Hollywood,
它就没有钱去购买阴茎增大丸了。
he won't have money to spend on penis enlargement pills.
如果它没有钱去购买
If he doesn't have money to spend
阴茎增大丸，
on penis enlargement pills,
它的巨大鸡鸡就会枯萎掉落。
his giant dong will shrivel up and fall off.
如果它的巨大鸡鸡枯萎掉落，
And if his giant dong shrivels up and falls off,
一只鸟就会以为那是一条虫子。
then a bird will think it's a worm.
如果一只鸟以为那是一条虫子--
And if a bird thinks it's a wor--
你是说，- 他们取消了我们的节目，T-Bone？
What do you mean, - they canceled our show, T-Bone?
我们是极端恐龙。
We're the Extreme Dinosaurs.
没有人想看一群肌肉发达的恐龙打击犯罪
No one wants to watch a group of ripped dinosaurs fight crime
当已经有肌肉发达的“鲨鱼街”打击犯罪时。
when there's already ripped Street Sharks that fight crime.
更别提有肌肉发达的变异忍者神龟打击犯罪。
And don't forget ripped mutant ninja turtles that fight crime.
来自火星的肌肉发达的“摩托车老鼠”打击犯罪。
The jacked Biker Mice from Mars that fight crime.
老实说，伙计们，我们基本上已经是化石了。
Let's face it, boys, we're practically fossils.
我不赞同。
I beg to differ.
约翰·哈蒙德，古生物学家，
John Hammond, paleontologist,
主题公园策划者，
theme park impresario,
也是世界上第一起
and subject of the world's first
以恐龙为基础的集体诉讼的对象。
dinosaur-based class-action lawsuit.
我有一个想法我觉得可以对我们双方都有好处。
I have an idea I think could benefit us both.
他上次的想法进行得很顺利。
His last idea went off without a hitch.
继续说。
Go on.
相信我，他们的恐龙身体
Believe me, their dinosaur bods
是唯一还算“侏罗纪”的东西。
are the only thing that are Jurassic.
我说的是他们的阴茎。巨大的鸡鸡。尽情享受。
I'm talking about their penises. Huge cocks. Enjoy.
- 是啊。- 哦，是的，宝贝。
- Yeah. - Oh, yeah, baby.
给我我的房租钱。
Give me my rent money.
说实话，这比打击犯罪更令人满足。
Honestly, this is way more fulfilling the fighting crime.
是的，我肯定喜欢用自己的身体赚钱。
Yeah, I definitely like being paid for my body.
我肛门里有一张一元美金。
I have a dollar bill up my butthole.
真是太棒了！- 哇哦！- 哇噢！
Jinkies! - Zoinks! - Roinks!
宾果-邦戈！阿拉卡赞！
Bingo-bango! Alakazam!
伙计。
Dude.
你们两个刚刚尝试使用感叹性口头禅吗？
Did you two just try to use exclamatory catchphrases?
你们总是在用它们，所以我们想为什么不试试？
You guys are always doing them, so we thought why not try it?
但是，伙计，那是我们的东西。
But, like, dude, that's our thing.
天哪，你们是有趣的人。我们才是尴尬的人。
Jesus, you guys are the hot fun. We're the awkward ones.
我们的口头禅就是我们全部了。
Our catchphrases are all we have.
是啊。"宾果-邦戈"？"阿拉卡赞"？
Yeah. And "Bingo-bango"? "Alakazam"?
拜托，伙计。留给专业人士吧。
Come on, man. Reave it to the pros.
我们可以想出更好的东西。
We can come up with something better.
嗯。我不知道。
Hmm. I don't know.
啊！
Aah!
真是太棒了！- 哇哦！- 哇噢！
Jinkies! - Zoinks! - Roinks!
肮脏-蓬松！
Gunky-bunky!
父亲问题！
Daddy issues!
呃，Daph，你是不是刚刚大喊"父亲问题"？
Uh, Daph, did you just yell "daddy issues"?
我在即兴表演方面很糟糕，好吗？！
I'm bad at improv, okay?!
哇哦！真是太幸运了！
Zoinks! Roly ruck!
是老城镇的鬼怪！真是太棒了！
It's the Old Town Spook! Jinkies!
大爆炸！
Bazinga!
不，那是"生活大爆炸"。
No, that's "The Big Bang Theory."
呃，Daph？
Uh, Daph?
黛芙妮！不！
Daphne! No!
那两个人应该只专注于成为美女。
Those two should really just stick to being hot.
我们为什么要蜂拥而上？
Why are we stampeding?
所以，拉尔夫的孩子又大喊"鬣狗"了，
So, Ralph's kid yelled hyena again,
突然之间，雪莉就开始蜂拥而上了。
and all of a sudden, Shirley just took off stampeding.
雪莉正在蜂拥而上。
Shirley's all stampeding.
雪莉，拿点安眠药吧，老天爷。
Take a Xanax, Shirley, honest to God.
木法沙:帮帮我，兄弟！
Mufasa: Help me, brother!
啊！
Aaah!
比尔，我觉得我们刚刚压死了一只成年狮子。
Bill, I think we just ran over a full-grown lion.
不，那是一块石头。
No, it was a rock.
如果那是一块石头，那为什么我的蹄子上会有脑浆？
If that was a rock, then why is my hoof covered in brains?
也许狮子身上带了一个额外的大脑？
Maybe the lion was carrying an extra brain?
我不知道。哦，不！
I don't know. Oh, no!
哦，我们应该看看它是否还好。
Oh, we should see if he's okay.
你刚刚用蹄子踩碎了它的头骨。你觉得它还好吗？
You just hoof-stomped his skull. Do you think he's okay?
继续走吧！
Just keep going!
我们至少应该留个便条。这是一种礼貌。
We should at least leave a note. It's common courtesy.
好的，向右合并。
Alright, merging right.
让开，让我过去。让我过去。
Get out of my way. Get -- Let me over.
父亲！
Father!
嗯？
Huh?
至少他们留了一张便条。这是一种礼貌。
Well, at least they left a note. That's common courtesy.
你确定我们不需要
Are you sure we don't need to
把所有东西都打包给搬家工人吗？
pack everything up for the movers?
显然，这个地方什么都能做。
Apparently, this place does it all.
嗨。进来吧。
Hi. Come on in.
好的。- 哦，好的。
Okay. - Oh, okay.
小心点走路。如果你--
Watch where you're going. If you --
小心，注意墙壁。
Easy. Watch the wall.
请不要伤到宝宝！
Please not the baby!
啊！
Aah!
那些都是结婚礼物。
Those were wedding presents.
那是我母亲的。
That was my mother's.
你他妈的是什么意思，瑞安？
What the fuck, Ryan?
我有优惠码！
I had a promo code!
各位，听着。
Everyone, listen.
圣奥拉夫的人民陷入了麻烦，
The people of St. Olaf are in trouble,
他们需要我们的帮助。
and they need our help.
天哪，这让我想起在圣奥拉夫的一次经历。
Gosh, that reminds me of a time in St. Olaf.
当然了，罗斯，因为这发生在圣奥拉夫。
Of course it does, Rose, because it takes place in St. Olaf.
如果我们同意帮助，
If we agree to help,
你能不能不要讲那么长而详细的故事？
will you spare us the long and detailed story?
当然可以。只是别忘了带上你的氧气面罩。
Absolutely. Just don't forget your oxygen masks.
为什么？- 因为圣奥拉夫在太空中。
Why? - Because St. Olaf is in space.
现在，那些细节我们本来就应该知道。
Now, those details we could have used.
我们怎么现在才听说这件事？
How are we just now hearing this?
事实上，如果你仔细听，早就埋下了伏笔。
Actually, if you listen, the seeds were planted.
圣奥拉夫的主街上有一个黑洞。
St. Olaf had a black hole on Main Street.
镇上所有人都会聚集来盯着它看。
Everyone in town would gather and stare at it.
在圣奥拉夫，“芬德霍温”火箭可真漂亮。
In St. Olaf, the Fenderhooven rocket sure was a beaut.
我的出生证上写着我是在圣奥拉夫出生的。
My birth certificate says I was born in St. Olaf.
哦，是的，那最后一个证明什么都没有。
Oh, yeah, that last one proves nothing.
除非我的手指盖住了“星”字中的“AR”。
Unless I had my finger over the "AR" in "star."
我倒是想把手指放在你的气管上。
I'd like to have my finger over your windpipe.
我们就像那些老派的太空牛仔女孩。
We're like those old-timer space cowgirls.
虽然我可以亲身告诉你，
Although I can tell you firsthand,
这远没有反向太空牛仔那么令人兴奋。
it isn't nearly as exciting as reverse space cowgirl.
罗斯，我们怎么从来没注意到
Rose, how did we never notice
车库里有一枚"芬德霍温"火箭？
a Fenderhooven rocket in the garage?
盖着一块布，
With a tarp over it,
每个人都以为那是布兰奇的一根按摩棒。
everyone assumed it was one of Blanche's dildos.
我所有盖着布的按摩棒都在地下室。
All my tarped dildos are in the basement.
我们应该在任何时候都能脱离黑洞。
We should be exiting the black hole any minute now.
哦，亲爱的，这很容易。
Oh, honey, that's low-hanging fruit.
妈，你又走神了。
Ma, you wandered off again.
你不应该离开座位。
You're not supposed to get out of your seat.
听着，大个子。
Listen here, big fella.
这枚火箭不是唯一一个需要
This rocket isn't the only thing that needs
释放其底盘的东西。
to release its undercarriage.
有人告诉我，后面那些巨大的舱体是什么？
Somebody tell me what are those giant pods in the back there?
巨大的舱体？
Giant pods?
哦，是的。我以为布兰奇正在采收她的卵子。
Oh, yeah. I assumed Blanche was harvesting her eggs.
你看？我还以为这艘船有痔疮呢。
You see? I thought this ship had a case of hemorrhoids.
我真希望这不是第一次发生。
Wish I could say this was a first.
罗斯，你说星奥拉夫
Rose, what did you say the problem was
的问题是什么？
on St. -- sorry, Star Olaf?
哦，他们正被一种外星物种殖民，
Oh, they're being colonized by an alien species
它们正在人类体内孵化它们的宝宝。
that is incubating their babies inside humans.
天啊，圣母玛利亚。
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
罗斯，别说地球的事了。
Rose, enough about Earth.
只告诉我们发生了什么！
Just tell us what happened!
嗯，正如你所知，多萝西独自
Well, as you know, Dorothy took down
击败了那个母体外星生物。
the mother alien all by herself.
布兰奇自愿被所有卵子孕育，
Blanche volunteered to be impregnated with all the eggs,
拯救了我们的人民不被寄生。
saving our people from being hosts.
索菲娅遇到了一个叫鲍勃的机器人，
And Sophia I met a robot named Bob in the black hole,
最后嫁给了他。
whom she wound up marrying.
说起来，观众们怎么样了？
Say, whatever happened to the studio audience?
哦，他们被吸进黑洞里
Oh, they got sucked into the black hole
死掉了。
and died.
[得意的笑声]结束。
Triumphant laughter. Credits.